10 Secrets To Managing Your Life
As a ShapeShifter

BONUS CONTENT: How to Survive an Encounter With A Witcher (And 10 Ways To Seduce Him Afterwards).

By The Royal Princess Adda

So what’s a princess to do? You’re trying to live your life the way you want, wearing the latest hot fashions, going to the just totally awesome parties that that rich old merchant  Leuvaarden throws regularly, and maybe dealing with a few little political intrigues here and there, but that’s life in the royal palace, right? And a girl has the right to do what she wants, and besides, that is so especially true if you are a royal princess!

But, and here’s the just awful part, can you believe it? Just because of things that Daddy did before I was even born, (and you don’t even want to know about that part, I’ll tell you some other time, but it was pretty bad), just because of that, that I wasn’t even involved in, this guy Ostrit (rhymes with twit, if you know what I mean), he lays this heavy curse on me, and remember, this was before I was even born. So now it’s like, definitely not the vegan trip for me. I have this intense thing about meat, I like it prepared best as steak tartare. Or better, really really fresh. Yes, fresh meat.

Oh, that’s right, I was going to tell you about how to manage your life being a shapeshifter. Because, as a bona fide Striga, that’s what I am. Yes, you heard right. A Striga. What’s a Striga, you ask? Think of it as being like, a Lady WereWolf, but not. Because it’s not exactly a wolf that you turn into, you turn into, it’s something different. Something much bigger, much more ferocious, and oh so much more deadly.

Think of it like this: as a Royal Princess, I have power, but it’s all political power. Influence. I can make people do what I want to do. But, Striga Power, is like, so much more raw. It’s physical. You just feel soooo powerful, when you are being The Striga. Like nobody can hurt you, nobody can mess with you, and if you get hungry, let me tell you, its OK, it won’t hurt your diet, and you won’t get fat if you eat somebody.

No, I wasn’t kidding. I said “somebody”, not “something”.  This is important, OK? So you have to listen carefully.  Strigas eat meat, right? Fresh meat, if you catch my meaning. But remember, when you are shape-shifted, which is what being a Striga means, is you shape-shift, then you are, while you are a Striga, you are NOT HUMAN. So it’s not really cannibalism, if you are NOT HUMAN when you eat people, right? Besides, I’m the Royal Princess. So I can do what I want. So there.

Anyway, here is my advice to you, about how to manage your life as a shapeshifter, whether you are the Striga kind, like I am, or some other kind (like a werewolf for example). And you should listen, because I know what I am talking about. Since I am one.

1: Believe in Yourself. Never believe there is anything wrong with being what you are. No matter what other people think. It might not be what you planned your life to be, and other people might have issues about it, but believe me, you will do a lot better and go a lot further in life if you embrace yourself, and that means even the parts that some people find unacceptable. You have to believe in yourself.

2: Associate with the Right People. What this means is, it helps to know people who have influence. Now in my case, I am the Right People, personally, since I am the Royal Princess, so I already have influence, but for example, somebody like you, who isn’t, you need to know the right people. That way, if other people get the tiniest bit upset about something you do when you are shape-shifted, (like for example, eating somebody), then knowing the right people can assist you in making certain that things are taken care of, and people stop being upset. If they know what’s good for them.

3. Everybody Has Their Price. I know it may seem just so tacky to put it this way, but with enough orens greasing the palms, well, we know human nature. People are just so corrupt. And anybody that isn’t, well, we can just deal with them when we are shape-shifted. If you know what I mean.

4. Bath’s are Important. And Manicures. Look, I’ll be honest with you. Because we are friends, right? And friends are honest with friends. So here’s the deal. Being a Striga is awesome for the power and all that, it’s like, a total rush, but, girlfriend, it is like, totally horrible in other ways. Afterwards, you are going to want a good long soak in a hot bath, because you are going to just feel gross if you don’t. And remember one thing: fingernails = claws. And claws can take a beating, when you are out doing your thing, as a shape-shifter. You see where I’m going with this one? Trust me, your manicurist is your friend.

5. Eat Properly.  This means both when you are human and when you are not. You have to listen to your body, and understand what it wants. This is particularly important during the times when you are doing your shape-shifting bit, because if you are eating well THEN, well, it gets easy to forget to eat properly when you are changed back to being human. And this could be bad for your complexion. Which, this leads to the next point:

6. Be Careful and Use Good Judgment About Who You Eat For Dinner. What this means is, don’t just eat the first person that comes along, use your judgment. If you just go around devouring anybody, without checking who it is first, you could end up accidentally killing someone who is important, or influential, or useful. And this could lead to other problems. On the other hand, if it is politically expedient if that person were, not around, then go ahead. Just be sure that it’s part of your Plan.

7. You Are Powerful. As a human, and whether you are a Striga like me, or any other Kind of Shape-Shifter, you have all the weapons you need. Face it, you have your intelligence (or you wouldn’t be reading this), and if you are fortunate like me, you have your looks, you have your connections (if you are doing it right), and as a Shape-Shifter, well, you know what kind of weapons you have THEN. So be confident, because you are very seriously powerful and dangerous. Think about it.

8. Know What You Want, And Know How to Use Your Power. This is just good sensible advice anyway, but it merits saying anyway. Knowing what you want means knowing what’s important to you. And since when you are powerful and influential and in authority, people will do what you want them to do OR ELSE, then you might as well be sure that they are not wasting your time by doing things you don’t care about and may not really want. You have to use your power properly, so as to most effectively achieve your goals. I know this sounds sort-of vague, but I believe you are intelligent enough to figure it out. And if not, well, too bad, then you aren’t worth my time, and go away.

9. Gold is Good, Silver is Bad. This is not just about fashion. Because we all know that fashion changes, and that exquisite bit of jewelry that is just so perfect with that red scarf and the fishnet stockings this season, will next season be just so tacky and dated looking. No. This is about what is healthy for you. And the bottom line is that, regardless of what the fashion statement is this season, when you are a shape-shifter, and that includes me, who is an actual Striga (the best kind of shape-shifter), you are probably going to be very allergic to silver. Which means you don’t even want to consider wearing it for jewelry, even if this totally cute guy wants to give it to you as a gift. Besides, any guy who is worth it would know you wanted gold instead, right? Anyway, with the being allergic to silver problem, we are not talking about just maybe a bit of a rash and it itches a bit if you wear it. No, we are talking about, it burns like acid, and you can’t even breathe because it hurts so bad.  We are talking about serious allergic reaction, the kind that can even potentially kill you. And I haven’t even gone there yet about the Silver Swords that Witchers carry. Which brings me to my final point:

10. Watch out for Witchers. Most of them aren’t too bad to fight, and can be defeated if you know what you are doing.  But you can’t allow yourself to forget, they are faster than normal humans, they are stronger than normal humans, and most importantly, they are dedicated to killing monsters. Which, technically, as a shape-shifter, is what you are. So consider yourself warned.

So anyway, there’s my advice, and if you are intelligent at all you will be very appreciative for it, and use it wisely. In my next article, if you  are nice to me, maybe I will tell you how to survive an encounter with a Witcher if you do meet one, and why it’s important to know how to seduce them, instead of just going ahead and killing them. Also, why you should be careful about devouring a Witcher (hint: it has to do with all those potions they drink, it makes Witchers toxic to eat).